shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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