Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
