i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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