I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
