Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize