You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
