I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
