Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Houston, we have a blender
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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