You made me cry and you don't even care
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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