This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
