Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
