i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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