Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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