and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
