Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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