New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
