He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
