If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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