its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
