sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
