I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
