You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
