Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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