i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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