I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
