I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
