how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
