i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
