I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
