Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
