Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize