You just made me feel so damn special
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
