So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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