Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
