My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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