theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would