just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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