I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
