dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
