so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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