i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
