i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
