2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
