cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
