OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
