We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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