The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
