I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize