if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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