He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
