Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
