well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
