It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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