Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this beer tastes like vomit already
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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