You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
