I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
