I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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