idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
