How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
