saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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