Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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