Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
