I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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