sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
