Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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