Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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