I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
