Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
