Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
