He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
