So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
