You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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