i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
