i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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