ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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