dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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