I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
