why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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