We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
