I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
