I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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