two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
