I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
